By: Cindy Khoo
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“I’m a taxi driver in Calcutta…I’m a taxi driver in Calcutta…” my drivers’ tape deck sang out in a creepily chirpy voice, as my cab sped solo on an empty expressway to the Shanghai Pudong International Airport.
It was late, already 11 at night, as I rushed to the airport for my flight to Singapore at half past midnight.
My flight home.
After more than a year in Shanghai, after more than five years anywhere but Singapore, I was finally going back. For good.
I closed my eyes, to savour the moment. This moment I shared with my Shanghai-born middle-aged cab driver. This moment also known as the forty minutes I bade
farewell to my home for the last one and a half years.
How many “homes” is one allowed to have in a lifetime?
I was safely on the plane, when my nerves stopped jittering to that catchy tune and started to settle into a sleepy mode.
Does one have to choose, or does the choice come to you, that you’d just know?
Drifting slowly to sleep, I smiled as I pondered the question. I made a conscious decision to fly by Singapore Airlines, notoriously expensive but famously excellent in service. I cared for neither considerations, I chose it merely because it was our Singaporean pride-and-honour airline. Flying home on any other airline, to mark the end of my wandering
days, seemed oddly inappropriate.
Perhaps I had already decided then? Between the light of consciousness and the darkness of Sleepland, I found my life flashing before my eyes.
Briefly the idea that my plane was going to crash fleeted into my paranoid mind, but that thought was quickly overwhelmed by the headline flashing through my head, “Promising Young Scholar Perishes in Singapore Airline Crash” and the excerpt, “She had
spent many years abroad for her studies and work, and the night her parents expected her home, Singapore Airlines, which has never had a crash in its entire aviation history, succumbs to karmic probability.”
Morbidly, I chuckled to that thought. That would surely make a good headline for New Paper (a Singaporean tabloid).
But scenes of my life were still waiting for my (short-lived) attention, so yes, where was I? My life flashing before my eyes.
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May 1st, 2005 at 5:26 pm
So beautiful, Cindy. It made my heart ache. You’re finally putting down roots where I’m getting ready for another journey. I remember colors as well, and sounds and smells and the way the wind felt on my skin. I remember the blue of the American summer sky, the strange green skies when a tornado is approaching, the silver of the Arch under the bright sunshine, the shiny white of airplanes…. I hope you find your heart at home.
May 2nd, 2005 at 1:53 am
That gave me a lump in my throat. Thank you for sharing that, Cindy. Like you, I have, not too long ago, chosen to pack my bags and head back to my hometown where, I finally decided, I will grow old and raise a family. Though I still long to travel around the world and experience the places I’ve only had the chance so far to see in pictures, there is definitely no place like home.
May 3rd, 2005 at 2:11 am
Aww, I’m glad my article found some resonance in you, Rasee and Mark.
Rasee: I’m sure you will find many more colors to fill your dreams with, in your upcoming journey. It will surely be fabulous!
Mark: That’s exactly it. There’s no place like home.
May 5th, 2005 at 12:00 pm
I’ve nearly four hometowns, around the world. But I’d rather that I don’t consider any place more special than these particular four hometowns… I don’t think it’s very useful to be too attached to one ethnicity/nationality/country/hometown… Don’t you think that’s evidently the main catalyst to wars and conflicts throughout history?
I wish for the day when all of us see one another as no more different than one’s own kins and, when all of us see every country as been a part of everyone’s consciousness/being - no better, no worse.
I like the idea of being a global citizen. I try to feel at home everywhere - and through my travels, I have found that when I approach other countries in this manner, I am embraced by the locals in exactly the same manner.
Ownership… that’s an ugly word.
May 24th, 2005 at 1:30 am
Is excessive attachment to one’s own ethinicity/nationality/etc evidently the main catalyst to wars and conflicts throughout history? Hmm. Evidently? Not quite to me, but I suppose in today’s terms, it could seem that way.
I do agree though, that ownership could be an ugly word. When one feels something belongs to Me and Nobody else, that’s ownership. Yet, I speak nothing of that. I speak of Belonging. Many people can belong to my hometown, yet my hometown is not Ours. I draw that distinction, I’m assuming that’s the sort of distinction that separates ethnic war from peaceful coexistence?
I’m not exactly sure why having a hometown (or four) is so bad in your eyes, because to me, it’s an anchor. A place to which I reference my place in the big colourful world out there. It doesn’t stop me from going out there to find out more about yet undiscovered places, it doesn’t mean I feel any less comfortable elsewhere, but it does keep me grounded and clear in where I am going.
I think it’s wonderful that you’re such a well-traveled global citizen. Unfortunately, in my world, you (and I) belong to a relatively rare minority and we should count ourselves lucky to have had the chance to even FIND OUT, that we could be embraced by locals, in your words, or be at home everywhere else. There’re plenty of people out there still fearful of stepping out of their comfort zone because they assume what lies outside must be extremely “uncomfortable,” to be terribly corny about it. Haha.
It takes a global perspective to become a global citizen, and despite what everyone says about the Internet bringing us into the era of the Global Village, I’m sorry to say a vast majority of the world populace still hasn’t moved into that Village. [Oh darn I am going too far with this corniness… :p]
Still, we could dream, couldn’t we? I’m hoping by sharing my views here (and you too), we all contribute somewhat to encouraging cultural understanding and respect. It’s my little wish as well, what you said.
Thanks so much for your comments, NG. Really appreciate you taking the effort in writing!