By: Li Wang
The undertone of my skin is yellow, and always has been. I have not been a person to look deeper, to let my natural skin color speak. It wasn’t until later in life that I learned to understand, to look on other levels. I grew up in a suburban Southern state in America. I was not born there, but in a country foreign to me, but motherland to my parents, Asia. If anyone had inquired as to my country of birth, pre-college, I would have answered, “My parents are from Asia,” thus leaving interpretation open to my own birth country’s origin. These words coming straight from the same girl who, since second grade, remembers having a classmate commenting on her lack of any kind of accent, as compared to the ESL (English as Second Language) students, who spoke their fluent language first and then some English. I took the second graders comment as a compliment because at that time, I spoke English first and then some Asian language second.
My best friends in first grade, second grade, and fast forward to high school, were American, with white skin tones. I blended in with my brainwashed personality and lived as a white-washed Asian. I never truly understood why anyone would speak a foreign language other than English, especially in America. “I could speak it, so why can’t you?” I would ask. Yeah, about this time, in my life, I wished someone would have pointed me towards something called cultural identity. Understanding ones ethnicity was never part of any class syllabus in grade school.
Then in college, a miracle occurred. In the first year alone, I was introduced to many cultural experiences. I made friends with others like me: friends with yellow skin tones. Asian friends. I accepted myself for who I was and where I was from, an Asian country named Taiwan. In an euphoric sweep, I literally wrapped myself in Asian-centric extra-curricular activities to make up for lost time, including joining an Asian-Interest sorority, taking up three semesters of Mandarin for my foreign language requirement, and finally having some Asian best friends who made college life enjoyable.
The change that occurred just a couple years ago is that if I am now asked, “Where were you born,” my answer is “I am from Taiwan.” I still speak English fluently, being schooled in America since pre-school and above, but I can also speak Taiwanese, as learned at home. The order of languages in which I am fluent remains the same, however the tone of voice holds more pride when mentioning the latter. 
May 1st, 2005 at 7:35 pm
Interesting. I am just the opposite. I was raised amongst other Japanese Americans. I speak Japanese with near native fluency. I teach Japanese Language and Literature at a university. But I see myself strictly as American. When anyone asks me where I’m from, I will respond, “Los Angleles”. When they press me, I will insist they tell me what European country they come from. I refuse to be pegged as the “perpetual foreigner”.
May 2nd, 2005 at 1:23 am
Great article! This magazine looks wonderful! I’m going to have to bookmark this site! I think being Asian-American is a beautiful thing. We get the best of both worlds even though it can be tough sometimes (trying to keep our culture while also trying to blend in with the natives). When I was younger, I hated the fact that I was Asian (especially knowing that my parents wanted me to be born in the states). Now that I’m older, I’m very thankful and also proud to tell others that I’m from Hong Kong.
May 2nd, 2005 at 9:56 am
It’s odd how kids can develop racist tendencies from the get-go, whereas it takes so many years to find “cultural identity.” Some people claim that everything you need to know, you learn in kindergarten. For your case, and for many other Asians in America, it takes a decade of school. How unfair the life, yet how great the lesson!
May 3rd, 2005 at 2:47 pm
It’s great to be proud of your heritage. But it’s also important to acknowledge the American in you.
May 4th, 2005 at 8:33 am
cultural identity eh?
i am presuming you have found this identity from yourself, instead of a great influx of parental lectures.
why does it mater to you where you are from? does the place define your identity? and if it does, don’t you feel our culture seems to hold a lot of biases?
ethnocentricity is really getting to me within my own family. do you find the same problem within yours?
please do answer my questions, i am curious, not mocking.
May 4th, 2005 at 3:37 pm
nerd: In my youth, I never truly questioned why I spoke English to everyone except towards my parents who I communicated in my Asian language. But as I grew older, gradually realizes that I am a part of two cultures, both Asian and American.
For example, the first time I stepped into a Chinese Restaurant w/o my parents, it was with my American friends. I remember the server taking my friends order in English and then directed to me the Asian looking girl, in Mandarin for my part of the order. Put on the spot (I doubt my friends even knew I spoke another language at home) I answered the server back in the same language. It was around middle school when this incident occurred, but it had already impacted my identity.
Cultural-wise, I am from a different country and cannot hide forever cloning myself to become a ‘native’ American b/c identity-wise, no matter how ‘native’ American I mold my act, still cannot avoid being picked out for looking Asian. Instead of avoiding it, I chose to embrace the fact I can be born from another country that I can be proud to call my motherland and yet still become an American, via citizenship or patriotism. And with my experiences with Asian families, mine in particular, I have felt parents priortizing their mother countries first, even when they have lived more years overseas than in their homeland. Maybe instead of ethnocentricity, it is a pride, your parents show towards a country where they grew up and hoping to share some of it with you, their children.
Those are some very good points and questions, and when you do find your own (cultural) identity, one you are comfortable in sharing, please do contribute in one of our future editions =).
May 5th, 2005 at 11:51 am
I think too many overseas Asians think too much about this cultural identity business. We’re all global citizens, this is the salient point. Ethnicity is also the most useless things you can impose on yourself - it wastes far too much time/energy - with which you can be a lot more productive.
I was born in Taiwan too. But I’ve lived in Paris, Japan and now reside in Australia. What does that make me? Who cares?
I am a global citizen - just like everybody else. I think this is the lease confusing part. I don’t think I am any different to others, except that perhaps I’ve a better appreciation for other cultures/languages/ethnicity. But so what?
Everybody has his/her good traits we can all learn from. Ethnicity shouldn’t even be part of the equation in one’s life journey.
May 5th, 2005 at 11:51 am
Sorry about the typos.
May 14th, 2005 at 6:08 pm
@NG
We are all global citizens. The nature of our economy has created such a situation, where your life traveling experiences have been possible. I assume that you were educated in the West, as was I. Regardless of this, I further assume that your statement that we are all global citizens comes from a tenet of equality and I too was indoctrinated with this idea of equality. Sure, we can treat humans equally, in fact, I would find it unjust if governments and people did not, but fact of the matter is, we are not equal. Equality as an abstraction remains extremely general so we have to clarify what we are talking about.
I do not mean equality in a vertical or hierarchical way, especially when I speak of culture. To call ourselves, global citizens is a truth, but only a half truth at best, for the planet is littered with a complex cultural mosaic, distinguishing one peoples from another, and not in superficial regards. While the economy ties us closer together in a web of interdependance, it can pretend to make us the same. The key point here, is that commercial society or rather the web it creates will always tote the malleability or variation of imported pop culture, or imported foods and treat culture as a novelty. Recently there has been a trend in N America for clothing embroidered with Chinese hieroglyph. I always make it a point to ask if they understand what the character means, but the common answer always is, “it looks cool”. Case in point, it becomes fashionable for Anglo-Saxons in Canada to go eat sushi one night, then to eat at an Indian restaurant the next. To treat culture as a novelty is a grave mistake, for it treats it superficially and ignores the much deeper implications of culture.
Like being a global citizen, culture is a part of our individual identity and this is what is important. Research has indicated that formative years leave the most lasting impression on children. To be brought up in a country not of your parents, while being raised by them, yet being schooled by “foreigners” is quite confusing. I can tell you that, of my memories in elementary school, the most vivid was of alienation. Not simply because of my skin colour, I refuse to treat ethnicity and culture so superficially, rather it was the way I thought, the way I perceived things that separated me from my classmates who were predominantly white, or jewish.
Typically, we have the white wash syndrome where children of immigrants abandon and reject their culture. This is very western to reject everything of the “old” and embrace the new. If one understands the lessons of Hegelian dialectics, that one thesis seeks to destroy another, then we can understand the white wash syndrome in this way as well. But this too is a western solution. Now, my beef is not that its “western” because of its geography, but they way it will systematically ignore the impression left on people in their upbringing that is integral to individual identity.
My situation is an exception as well. I had moved to Korea and lived there for two years, but because I could not adjust to the schooling system my family returned to Canada. Essentially, I was too Canadian for Korea, and too Korean for Canada. Both ways looking, I made a hasty decision, Canadian it was. But over the years, what exactly Canadian meant became an issue.
I can understand why many say ethnicity doesn’t matter, for it was the basis of discrimination. We can all acknowledge that, not permitting a person to sit at the front of a bus, or to drink from different water fountains, or to pay more tax than a “Canadian”, or put them in internment camps in World War 2 (the list goes on) is to treat ethnicity and culture in the most superficial regards, and that is how they look or how they are percieved to be by the dominant culture that justifies their exclusion or unequal treatment. Indeed, ethnicity and culture is much deeper than that and more importantly, we can be equal and be different at the same time.
So what is the opposite of the above? Asian who understand their culture as a novelty. Those Asians, who say they are “Asian” for they understand bits of the language, or because they choose to or by chance, hang around all Asians, who listen to Asian music, or are up to date with their pop culture. Essentially, they inherited the superficial view of culture by the dominant culture. The point here is that culture is deeper than what the new fads are. Look at history for example, for North East Asia, a civilization that thrived for centuries with rich histories and intellectual discourse, when Europeans were stuck in the dark ages (point here is not to make a value judgment of what culture is superior, to do that is to fall into a trap), this is part of, if not most of what I embrace.
Yes, it can be argued that individuals are individuals, that there is such a thing as free will. However, there are always larger forces constituting and influencing individuals, and their free will. Negative liberty at best, still dictates individuals and individuality.
Culture, most importantly, is a state of mind. So let that be our guides in our journey in life.
May 14th, 2005 at 6:28 pm
“The change that occurred just a couple years ago is that if I am now asked, “Where were you born,” my answer is “I am from Taiwan.” I still speak English fluently, being schooled in America since pre-school and above, but I can also speak Taiwanese, as learned at home. The order of languages in which I am fluent remains the same, however the tone of voice holds more pride when mentioning the latter.”
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Hi! Very insightful article. Reminds me of my Filipino-American cousins in the US (they are 100 percent Filipinos, but they were born and raised in the US). They don’t speak Filipino (and refuse to learn it). And they want to be labelled “Americans.” However, the color of their skin would always testify to their Asian genes (they have Filipino-Chinese blood).
Am glad that a “miracle” occured in your life in college. That, I think, was very important. There is nothing wrong (or inferior) to acknowledge your country of origin. And that you speak Mandarin fluently, too (what an edge). This linguistic dimension to your cultural identity is something that you can really be proud of.
I have a Taiwanese classmate in my German class in Switzerland. I have seen her and her half-Swiss daughter twice already. It was so great to see and hear her speak to her daughter in Mandarin! Later on, she would confide to me that her daughter also speaks fluent Swiss German/German and English. But she really made it a priority for her daughter to learn Mandarin at an early age since that was/is part of her heritage. “It’s important,” my classmate, who is proud to be Taiwanese, said. I agree with her.
In the meantime, I have a Filipino classmate in my French class. She migrated to Oz when she was 14, and then moved to Switzerland with her husband when she was 24. She has been here in Switzerland for 26 years now, with both Australian and Swiss passports. But in class, when asked about her nationality, she says in French that she is Australian and that she is fluent in English and German (she claims that she does not know the Filipino language because it was a language she only spoke when addressing the maids in Manila). When I pressed her for answers regarding her country of origin, she responded with hesitation: “I was born in the Philippines, BUT our family moved to Australia when I was 14.” It’s a bit sad, I think, especially seeing her wanting to relate more to our Swiss classmates in German, than to her compatriot (that would be me) in English or Filipino. But I respect her choices.
Passports are indeed identification tools. But for Asian immigrants who hold passports other than their native land’s, it is always wise to trace one’s Asian roots, especially when living in a Western land. There’s nothing more pathetic than someone, despite his/her color, renouncing his/her Asian heritage to the hilt.
Keep up the good work!
May 15th, 2005 at 10:24 am
For me it was so normal to speak 2 languages. I grew up in Hawaii and most of my friends who are second generating Japanese speak Japanese. After moving to the states, I was shocked, no more appaled to see how many second generation Japanese people didn’t know how to speak Japanese. Not only that, they didn’t know a thing about Japanese culture. When asked if they ever though about learning Japanese many have said “Why? I’m never going to live there” of “Why do I care about the Japs for.” It’s get’s under my skin sometimes. I’m proud to be able to speak 2 languages, and I’m proud to be Japanese American.
May 15th, 2005 at 6:56 pm
I was kinda in the same shues… I came from Taiwan in the second grade and for over 10 years I didn’t really speak Chinese, just barely at home. I secretly read Chinese books but on the outside, I was trying to be white-washed like my best friend at the time, who is still today, the most white-washed Asian I’ve ever known. But my moment of awakening was a trip to Taiwan right before college… and I had a TON of fun, while realizing how easily I became part of people’s lives, without any thought on race or whatever. It just felt that I belonged naturally. Since them, I’ve tried to speak as much Chinese as possible, and even made myself subject-matter expert in much of the Asian pop culture. It has paid off hansomely as now I feel more complete than ever; able to manuver in two culture with ease.
To the Li: I hope you continue your journey and learn more about Taiwan. It’s a facinating place and one of the most accepting places for people like you and I. In fact, I’ve known so many AA return to Taiwan cus it’s just so easy to show-case our advantage as people with two cultures. Many of them become famous without even trying. If you can pick up on your language skills, you’ll be a treated like a princess on Taiwan. Plus, it’s got the best night life in Asia, by far.
May 18th, 2005 at 12:26 pm
“Hi! Very insightful article. Reminds me of my Filipino-American cousins in the US (they are 100 percent Filipinos, but they were born and raised in the US). They don’t speak Filipino (and refuse to learn it). And they want to be labelled “Americans.” However, the color of their skin would always testify to their Asian genes (they have Filipino-Chinese blood).”
Last I checked, if they were born in the US, they are Americans. Americans of Asian descent, but Americans nonetheless.
May 23rd, 2005 at 2:42 am
TO NANA: Yes, I checked that, too. My two-year-old niece also has an American passport, being born in the US. She is a “Filipino American.” I don’t question that, and that was not really my point. I guess one should read my kilometric comment here in its proper context.
May 25th, 2005 at 10:33 am
I was actually quite surprised by the number of neg. comments you received from this article. Okay, they may not be “negative”, but more like putting down/ questioning the validity of the issue that you brought up. To be quite honest, I found your article to be truer than most; I could relate from being seriously ashamed of my parents’ background (I used to use that line too- “well, my *parents* are from….”) to my puzzlement of why other children (& even parents!) refused to learn/ speak English properly to the other issues/ experiences you brought up. So, really, your article was definitely worth writing (on your part) and reading (On our part), b/c many Asian Americans (2&3rd generations really) could relate to that. Thanks again!
-V
June 3rd, 2005 at 6:52 pm
Great article. I’m a Malaysian Chinese. My first language is still English. Although I can speak my mother tongue, Cantonese, I’m not very good at it. It’s just passable. I can’t read. My parents both speak Chinese at home but they’re both English educated. I tried learning how to write Chinese and to speak Mandarin. Somehow, I can’t seem to master it. After a while, I gave up trying to learn it. Then when I went to another state in Malaysia for my tertiary education, the people there spoke in Mandarin. To survive, I had to polish up my Mandarin. I learnt enough Mandarin to get me around. The most hurtful thing was when a housemate of mine said that I’m not a Chinese because I can’t speak nor write Mandarin. I find it kind of unfair because although I can’t speak Mandarin, I can still speak Cantonese. Isn’t that good enough? Most importantly, although I speak English better, I never tried to be anything other than a Chinese.
June 5th, 2005 at 11:09 am
Being asian in America as a little kid can be tough. A majority of the kids don’t like you and don’t include you in activites. Unless you are taught to appreciate your culture at a young age I think you tend to denounce your ethnicity because you think it’s the thing keeping you from everything/everyone else.
Then you realize that you just screwed yourself, trying to make people to accept you.
July 21st, 2005 at 11:19 am
good stuff
be proud of who you are mate
i’m from australia
December 17th, 2006 at 10:45 am
I just stumbled upon this website today, doing some exploring. I think the whole cultural identity thing is trully kicking in recently for me, hence this exploring over the net that brought me here. I’m a British Born Chinese and all my past friends have been Indian/Pakistani because White people used to be quite racist and i felt that i fitted in better amonst other Asian people. Now at university i keep my old friends but have made friends with some White people and have even found a Chinese person to become friends with. Though it seems okay to disregard race and try to be equal its not really as simple as that. It’s good to have things in common with other people, but I’ve discovered race is just a small part of it. It’s best to accept and become friends with all sorts of people and if anyone says negative things, just show them that what they say is nothing i guess.
I don’t know, i write this in a tired state, sorry if it makes no sense lol.
Kay.
September 30th, 2007 at 2:12 am
it’s fun to have the best of both worlds!!